i was and am Myself

I’ve never felt more alone,

Than when returning,

To the land i once called home.

The rolling, empty plains,

Barren of any shelter,

Let the fierce winds of empty existence roar,

As they were meant to be.

Though I am surrounded by family,

And even some who could be called friend,

Blinking red air traffic lights,

Signal in Me some meaningless metronome,

Transporting me to a smaller time,

Before i had known love and the wisdom time silently affords,

When i remembered nightly the distance of the stars.

Whenever i was more hopeful,

i imagined the effervescent headlights of travellers,

As some portent of an unimagined tomorrow,

Where I would be on the other side,

Driving past my past,

But even as i thought it,

i nimbly forgot the fact I could already drive.

I had forgotten how soothing,

The regular crash and cawing of the trains could be,

Staring at the untainted nightsky ,

Littered with stars to each horizon,

Meditavely erasing my thoughts,

Except for the elusive and persistent reminder brought to clarity:

I/i’m never lonlier than when I/i’m myself.

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