Escape from a Deceitful World

There’s this looming sense of doom overcoming me,
When i wake up early,
too early for the sun to know what time it is.
A feeling like my life is bounding down the sidewalk,
Expertly navigating the crowds,
Never disturbing a soul.
I’m in a race towards death!
But when I win?
I lose.
I’ve somehow managed to let my dreams fall by the wayside,
In light of some sort of obsession with pleasure.
I don’t even remember what living felt like,
You know?
It’s as if this were all a game,
And I’m and expert player.
I’ve tricked myself into thinking that my movements aren’t tied to some underlying motive.
And the rest of the world, for that matter.
I’ve led myself to believe that what I’ve been so concerned with is real,
When, in truth, I had more conversations with reality when i was twelve.
I can’t let this happen anymore.
To do so is in effect to commit consensual suicide.
This is what I am here for:
To write.
Teaching is just another form of my writing.
This is what makes me wake up at six o’clock in the morning,
Smile, and say:
‘Yes.’